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A few years ago, I met a woman named Sarah at a retreat. She was deep into her alcohol-free journey but struggling with something she couldn’t quite put into words. She had sworn off drinking completely, telling herself that alcohol was poison, that it was evil, that it had ruined her life.
But the moment she walked into a party or a dinner out, she felt exhausted—constantly battling thoughts about alcohol. “Why do I still think about it all the time if I hate it so much?” she asked.
The truth is, when we make something the enemy—whether it’s alcohol, sugar, social media, or any habit—we give it more power than it actually deserves. Instead of freeing ourselves, we can end up trapped in an exhausting mental tug-of-war. It brings up a lot of cognitive dissonance.
The Forbidden Fruit Effect
Ever notice how telling yourself you can’t have something only makes you want it more? I know this happens to me when I try to cut back on coffee. The phenomenon called psychological reactance—the tendency to crave what’s off-limits.
Think back to childhood. If your parents told you not to touch the cookie jar, suddenly, those cookies became the most irresistible thing on the planet. As adults, the same dynamic plays out. If we tell ourselves, I will never drink again because alcohol is bad, we might find ourselves gibing it way to much mental space.
Sarah experienced this firsthand. She’d removed alcohol from her life, but she thought about it constantly, feeling deprived instead of free.
The All-or-Nothing Trap
Another challenge of making alcohol the enemy is that it creates a black-and-white mindset—either you’re "good" and alcohol-free, or you’re "bad" and you’ve failed.
A friend once told me that after six months of not drinking, he had one glass of wine at a wedding. Instead of viewing it as a choice and moving on, he spiraled. I’ve ruined everything, he thought. That one glass turned into a weekend of drinking, then weeks.
When we see alcohol as the villain, any interaction with it can feel like a major failure instead of a moment of curiosity and learning.
Shame: The Silent Saboteur
Demonizing alcohol can also lead to internalized shame, making us feel weak or broken for ever wanting it. Instead of recognizing that drinking often stems from deeper needs—stress relief, social connection, or habit—and from a lifetime of cultural conditions, we may start blaming ourselves for even thinking about it.
The problem? Shame doesn’t lead to long-term change. It often fuels secrecy, self-punishment, or even a return to drinking as a way to numb those difficult feelings.
So, What’s a Better Approach?
Instead of making alcohol the enemy, try seeing it as neutral—a substance with effects, some desirable, some not. The shift isn’t about moderation (unless that’s your goal), but about reframing the way you think about it.
- Instead of: Alcohol is poison. I can never have it again.
- Try: Alcohol isn’t aligned with how I want to feel, so I choose not to drink.
- Instead of: If I drink, I’ve failed.
- Try: If I drink, I’ll reflect on why and use it as information for the future.
Sarah eventually made this shift. She stopped seeing alcohol as the enemy and started seeing it as a choice. Instead of fighting thoughts about it, she observed them. With time, they became quieter.
My friend also found his way back. He learned that one drink didn’t have to send him into a downward spiral. He reminded himself why he started and kept going.
Freedom, Not Fear
True freedom from alcohol (or anything else) doesn’t come from fear—it comes from curiosity and clarity. When you stop making alcohol the enemy and start seeing it for what it is—just a substance—you reclaim your power. You’re no longer at war with it. And in that space, real sustained change can happen.
Have you ever caught yourself making alcohol the villain in your story? How did it impact your mindset? Let’s talk about it. Drop a comment or send me a message—I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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